Chapter 234
The driver opened the car door, and Derek stepped out, coughing gently into his fist.
As he turned to climb the terrace stairs, he stopped short. Kai stood at the top of them, watching him. The two of them simply looked at one another for a long moment, cousin to cousin, a whole month of silence and fury and grief sitting in the space between them.
Kai had not spoken to him, had not so much as looked at him, in all that time.
A few minutes later, they were inside, sitting together at the bar in the living room.
“How are you?” Kai asked.
Derek reached for the bottle. “How do I look p>
Kai considered him for a beat. “Like a piece of shit, honestly p>
Derek nodded and poured himself a measure. “That’s fair.” He downed it in one.
“I hear you’re planning to apologise to the werewolves soon,” Kai said.
Derek nodded and took another sip. Then he coughed again, quietly, into his palm.
Kai’s eyes narrowed a little, watching him. “You cough now p>
“I might have caught a cold.” Derek wiped his mouth, looking a bit embarrassed. “It’s nothing p>
Kai nodded and let it go, though something flickered behind his eyes. Then he asked, “Do you want me to do anything for you? During this meeting with the werewolf Alphas p>
“Declan will brief you on the setup,” Derek said.
Kai nodded again, swirling the drink slowly in his glass. Then, more quietly, he asked, “How is Nana p>
He had been visiting her himself, every few days. But he could barely stand it anymore. Watching that indomitable old woman grow frail and small in her bed did something to his chest that he had no words for.
Derek’s jaw tightened. “Not good,” he said. “I can’t stand to see her like that either.” He stared into his empty glass. “It’s all my fault p>
Kai groaned and dragged a hand down his face.
“Oh, here we go. Not you trying to shoulder the blame for the entire world again. This is exactly what you did ten years ago, Derek. You blamed yourself for not saving your mother, when there was absolutely nothing a child could have done. You blamed yourself for Jasper’s death, when the man laid down his own life for you willingly because he chose to. You blamed yourself for not being able to fix everything when you were a literal boy p>
He shook his head. “And that blame twisted you. It made you cold, and it made you make mistake after mistake, mistakes you’re still paying for right now p>
Derek said nothing.
“You messed up. Yes. You did.” Kai’s voice softened. “But it is not your fault that our dear Uncle Crane turned out to be a psychopath. He is the one who did this to Nana. He broke her. She simply couldn’t bear knowing that a son she carried and raised could be so full of malice. That’s what’s eating her alive, not you p>
He exhaled. “And it’s hit my mother hard too. She’s been grieving Uncle Maurice and Aunt Natalie all over again, fresh as the day it happened. Your mum was her best friend in the whole world. They were inseparable p>
Derek sighed and blinked hard, fighting the sudden sting behind his eyes.
“But Nana’s still angry with me,” he said. “For what I did to Kira. And she’s right to be.” He turned the glass slowly in his fingers.
“Kai, I can’t function anymore. Every single day, all I want to do is punish myself over and over again, for being such a colossal fool. For hurting all of them so badly.” His voice dropped. “Kira brought so much happiness into my life. And I hurt her. I really, truly hurt her p>
Kai nodded, not unkindly. “You did,” he agreed. “And you hurt everyone around you in the process p>
He looked at his cousin. “You’re my brother, Derek. I love you more than almost anyone. You’re my favourite person alive, even back when you were a literal block of ice. I only ever wanted you to be happy p>
He gave a small, sad smile. “So imagine what it did to me, watching that spark actually show up in your eyes whenever she was in the room. She made you happy. Properly happy. I hadn’t seen that in you in years p>
Derek gulped down another drink, and something in his face eased into memory.
“She really did,” he murmured.
And then, despite himself, he began to laugh.
“She is the only woman who could frustrate you and still make you laugh in a heartbeat,” Derek said. “Have you heard her infamous Dad jokes? I literally lived for them. Kira knew how to coerce laughter out of me. Spending time with her made me forget the nightmares of that banquet night. I love her, Kai. I genuinely love her p>
Kai remained silent.
“The day she planned to sing the entire mansion down because I took away her phone and locked her indoors, she told me that was her method of de-stressing p>
Derek grinned into his glass. “No one has ever spoken to me like that in my life. Not before her, not since p>
He chuckled. “And she used to keep this ridiculous little scoreboard in her head. She’d announce the score out loud whenever she thought she’d won a round. As if the two of us were playing some private game only she knew the rules to p>
His voice grew quieter, fonder. “There was this one day inside the Bentley when she was trying to convince me to come to her fundraiser. She batted her lashes at me so ridiculously and when I asked what she was doing, she said she was trying to charm me. So bold. So completely unafraid of me. And goddess help me, I think that was the exact moment I started falling p>
The smile faded slowly from his face.
“She doesn’t even want to see me now,” he said. “I saw her yesterday, at the Wolf Council in Aethelwulf. And she didn’t look at me the way she used to. Her eyes were cold. Dead, almost p>
He swallowed. “Kira always had this sparkle in her eyes. And it hurts more than anything to know that I’m the reason it’s gone p>
Kai downed the rest of his drink and set the glass down.
“I saw her yesterday too,” he said. “And you’re right. She’s hurt, Derek. Deeply.” He chuckled bitterly. “She laughed with us, cracked jokes, all bubbly and bright, same as ever. But every single one of us saw right through it. It’s a performance now. Underneath it, she’s in pieces p>
Derek laughed, low and broken. “That’s my Kira. Always covering everything up with a smile.” He rubbed his face. “I don’t have the faintest idea how to fix any of this p>
“Well, sitting here sulking and feeling sorry for yourself certainly won’t fix it p>
“I’m not sulking,” Derek said a bit defensively. “Kira asked me to stay away until she’s ready to speak to me. And I’m trying to respect that. Even though every instinct in my body wants to storm straight into Crystal Moon Pack, rip out the throat of every single person who kept her from me for a whole month, and carry her home to Dravengard where she belongs p>
Kai laughed properly at that. “Goddess, you really have changed. The old Derek wouldn’t have hesitated. He’d have levelled the place by now p>
He grew a little more serious. “But here’s a thought. You could actually try reaching out to her older brother, Braxton, without using any form of violence. No threats, no throat-ripping p>
Derek scowled. “Braxton’s her brother p>
“Yes, Braxton’s her twin brother,” Kai said. “Set that mile-high pride of yours aside for once and appeal to the man’s conscience first p>
He shrugged. “I don’t know how he did it, but that Alpha has a great deal of influence over her right now. If you want the sister, you need to get the brother on your side first p>