Chapter 65
Problems For Future Sedona
Chapter 60: Problems For Future Sedona
Sedona’s POV
“What happens next?” I asked him as he replied.
“For now, all you need to focus on is rest. Regain your strength. We’ll keep you here for observation for another few days, make sure the post treatment holds and nothing happens. Once you have been cleared for that, you will go home for the next two weeks before the next treatment starts
“Use that time well. See your family, do things that make you happy, remember what you’re fighting for. The next three cycles will be just as hard as this one was. You’ll need to be strong p>
After he left, my mother and I sat in silence for a while, both processing this separately but still together. She’d picked up her book but wasn’t really reading it, just holding it open on her lap while she watched me patiently.
“Mom?” I said eventually.
“Mm p>
“Thank you. For being here. For staying. For-” I gestured vaguely at everything. “All of it.” “Where else would I be?” She said it like it was obvious, like there had never been any other option. “You’re my daughter. There’s nowhere else in the world I’d rather be p>
I closed my eyes and let that settle into me-the absolute certainty in her voice, the unquestioned love, the undisputed truth that I was her child and would always been her child no matter how
much I hurt her.
This was what I’d run away from five years ago, convinced it was suffocation.
I’d been so stupid.
Rachel brought Molly to visit that evening, after getting approval from Frank that it was safe to bring the baby near me, and there was no risk of contamination from the drugs.
The baby had grown even in the few days I’d been out of it-or maybe I was just more present, in my body to notice because even before the treatment started, I had been out of it, but I had kept quiet because I didn’t want to bother my family or worry them unnecessary.
“She’s been asking for you,” Rachel said, settling into the chair my mother had finally vacated as
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she smiled at me and held my hands.
Clair
“Well, her version of asking, which mostly involves pointing at your picture and making incoherent demands. But I like to believe she is asking about you in her own way p>
“I’m flattered to be demanded for p>
Rachel carefully transferred Molly to my lap-I was sitting up now, propped with pillows, strong enough to hold a baby if I was careful.
Molly settled against me easily, making happy sounds, her little fist in her mouth as she waved the other hand in a random motion.
“Hi, sweet girl,” I said softly, and she looked up at me with those serious baby eyes, studying my
face.
Then she smiled and patted my cheek with one chubby hand.
And I started crying. Not sad crying. Just release, crying about all the pain and fear and uncertainty of the past week-it all came pouring out while I held Rachel’s baby and tried to breathe through it. “Oh, Sedona.” Rachel was beside me immediately, one arm around my shoulders while making sure Molly didn’t get squished between us as she rubbed my back gently.
“It’s okay. You’re okay p>
“She’s so perfect,” I managed. “She’s so perfect and innocent and she doesn’t know anything about cancer or divorce or any of it. She just… exists. Purely. Without any issue at all p>
“That’s what babies do,” Rachel said gently. “They remind us that the world is still capable of producing perfect things. That not everything is broken p>
Molly, oblivious to the emotional breakdown happening around her, had discovered the ID bracelet on my wrist and was investigating it with intense focus, trying to determine if it was edible.
“Not food, Molly,” Rachel said, gently redirecting her. “Everything is not food, despite what you seem to believe p>
I laughed despite the tears, and Molly looked up at the sound, delighted, then laughed too, her infectious giggle that made everyone within a three foot distance smile involuntarily.
“There it is,” Rachel said softly. “There’s my best friend p>
“I’m a mess p>
“You’re alive. Everything else is negotiable p>
We sat like that for a while-me holding Molly, Rachel seated beside me. Molly eventually fell
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asleep against my chest, breathing peacefully. “think about Nick,” I said quietly, breaking the silence. Claim “All the time. I wonder if he’s okay, if he’s happy, if Logan found someone to replace the lavender ointment I used to make for his hives. I wonder if he thinks about me at all or if Catherine’s successfully erased me from his memory p> “He thinks about you,” Rachel said with certainty. “He’s six. Six-year-olds don’t just forget their mothers, no matter how much time passes or who else comes into their lives p> “He told me not to call him Mom p> “He’s six,” Rachel repeated. “Sedona, you can’t hold a six-year-old accountable for things he said in anger. Children say a lot of horrible things because they can and they don’t know how the words hurt others p> “What if he meant it p> “Then he’ll change his mind when he’s older and capable of understanding what he did p> “But I don’t think he meant it. I think he was confused and angry about things he didn’t understand, and he lashed out at the person who was safe to lash out at. Which was you, because you’re his mother. Because you’d always been there and he took that for granted p> “You can’t know that p> “No,” Rachel admitted. “But I believe it anyway. Because the alternative-that a six-year-old genuinely hates his mother who devoted all those years to keeping him alive-that’s not how children work. That’s not how love works p> I wanted to believe her. But the memory of hin despising me and telling me to stop lying just to bother them that was going to haunt me regardless of what Rachel said. “If I survive this,” I said carefully, “if I make it through the treatment and go into remission, I need to figure out what to do about Nick. Whether to try to reach out, whether to let Logan know I’m alive, whether-” I stopped. “Whether I have any right to disrupt his life again after I walked away so completely p> “Those are all questions for Future Sedona,” Rachel said firmly. “Present Sedona needs to focus on getting better. The rest can wait p> She was right. I knew she was right. But knowing it didn’t stop me from wondering. 3/4 GI O Claim Admins2