Chapter 147
~ NYSSA
It took two days before we heard back from my pack.
We were seated in the dining table for dinner, eating quietly when one of the sentinels walked in. I’d seen him a few times but I couldn’t remember his name.
“Jeremiah,” Rowan said, brows raised in surprise. “Is something wrong p>
The sentinel bowed before shaking his head. “We got word from the pack. They have accepted your request to visit p>
My fork slipped from my hands in surprise.
A part of me had expected them to refuse. After all, our presence had done nothing but bring trouble and worry to the pack. A part of me was relieved, but another part of me was wary… suspicious even.
I turned to Rowan and found him staring with wide eyes as well.
“Are you sure?” he asked and Jeremiah nodded. “Did they have any conditions p>
“No, Your Majesty. They merely said that they would be waiting for our arrival. I did not know what to tell them p>
Rowan turned to me, a faraway look on his face. I stayed silent, unsure of what he was searching for or silently asking but after what felt like hours, he looked away, turning his attention back on Jeremiah.
“We leave tomorrow p>
My stomach dropped.
Realistically, I should’ve been happy. It was exactly what I wanted, it was what I asked for and yet, my entire body was alight with nerves. My heart was pounding like a drum in my chest and the more I thought about it, the more anxious I got.
Jeremiah looked surprised, but he did not ask any questions, he just nodded slowly, bowing his head once and walked away.
The door shut quietly behind him, leaving Rowan and I in the silence of the dining room.
The air stretched thin with anticipation and nerves, each second bringing with it a wave of anxiety that I felt all the way to my toes. My chest was tight and heavy, and no matter how hard I tried, I could not grip my fork once more.
“If you want to wait, I can,” Rowan said softly. “We do not have to leave tomorrow. We don’t have to do this now p>
“I think it’s best if we get this over with once and for all p>
He frowned. “You have nothing to prove, Nyssa p>
“I am well aware of that fact p>
“Are you?” he asked, hands crossed over his chest. “You are uneasy p>
I scoffed, not even bothering to hide it. “Of course I am. I am returning to the place where I was kidnapped. It is not an easy feat, trust me p>
“That is why I am saying we can wait p>
“I don’t want to wait!” I snapped, my voice rising by an octave. “You don’t realize how terribly confusing it is to doubt my entire existence. I need answers, and I don’t care if I have to go back to that very same basement where he held me to do so… I will p>
My chest was heaving at the end of my rant and my throat felt like sandpaper. The very thought of that basement brought a wave of bile so vile that I almost threw up on my clothes.
Rowan said nothing for a long minute, he just stared at me, his eyes boring holes into the side of my head.
I’d overreacted, I knew that much. He was trying to help me and in turn, I yelled at him, That was shit behavior… even for me.
I sighed. “I’m sorry I yelled, I just… it’s been a long week. It isn’t an excuse but p>
“You wouldn’t be able to return to the basement,” he said softly.
It took me a moment to realize what he meant.
My head cocked to the side in confusion. “What p>
“You won’t be able to return, even if the answers are there. When I was done with Henry, I threw him into the basement and set it on fire. I saw the barrels and I knew what his intentions were. It felt like poetic justice p>
He said the words so casually, as if he was speaking of the weather. He chewed slowly as he spoke, his expression flat and bored.
He looked like a fucking psychopath and yet… I did not run. I just stared at him for what felt like hours before scoffing, a small laugh breaking through my lips.
“I don’t know why I expected any less,” I mumbled to myself, trying to stop the laughter from breaking into a full wheeze. “How bad was he when you left him p>
“Terrible. Even without the fire he would have been unrecognizable p>
“Good p>
I reached for my fork and shoved a piece of steak into my mouth.
I felt absolutely nothing; no pain, no sadness, no anger. There was one tiny shred of light in my chest and it was relief. Relief that Henry’s house was not standing to haunt me, relief that I would not have to relive those days of my life by being there.
“I should go pack,” I said finally, rising to my feet. “We leave tomorrow after all. I would like to be prepared p>
I made it to the door before he stopped me. “Nyssa p>
I turned to him slowly. “Yes p>
“I can do this for you, you know? I can search for it p>
I could tell he was coming from a place of worry and care. His eyes were soft and his hands twitched where they lay atop the table, as if he wanted to reach out to grab me.
It made my heart warm and a pool of fuzziness grew in my stomach. As much as I wanted to take him up on that offer, I knew I couldn’t. This was too personal… too close to home.
I shook my head slowly. “People have been doing things for me all my life. I think it’s about time that I did something for myself p>
“Are you sure p>
I nodded. “This is my history, Rowan. I need to do this one on my own p>