Chapter 189
~ ROWAN
Terror coursed through the bond, radiating off Nyssa and finding its way into my chest.
She did not speak, merely stared at her reflection in the mirror like she did not understand what she was looking at.
I stepped in front of her, blocking her view. That drew her attention to me, and her wide eyes locked on mine. Exhaustion lined the corners of her face, and her eyes were bloodshot, presumably from lack of sleep.
I reached for her, thumb gently stroking her cheek.
“What is going on?” I asked softly. “Did something happen p>
“I thought she trailed off, glancing over my shoulder at the mirror. “My eyes p>
I stared down at her, searching deep into her frightened blue orbs. “They look perfect, little wolf, as always p>
“But… the corners, the redness p>
I sighed softly. “It’s exhaustion. Are you sleeping well p>
She chewed on the inside of her cheek. “I just… I thought— it didn’t look normal p>
I ran my hands down the side of her shoulders affectionately, stepping closer until all she could focus on was me. She craned her neck to look at me, her throat working as she swallowed tightly.
“Why don’t we stay home today, hm?” I offered, cocking my head to the side.
“What about work p>
I shrugged. “We all deserve a day off, don’t you think p>
“Yes, but… what about… the guards? The test today p>
“It doesn’t start until later,” I explained. “If you feel better by then, we can go. For now, you need to rest. You’re fucking terrified, Nyssa, look at how you’re trembling p>
I reached for her hand, covering it with mine and the trembling stopped.
She glanced down at our intertwined hands with a soft smile. “I didn’t realize p>
“Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” I asked softly, trying not to spook her.
She was silent for a long moment before clearing her throat and stepping back, her shoulders tense. “I should take a bath. It might help p>
Disappointment coursed through me; a hollow, bitter tasting feeling.
I still couldn’t understand why she found it hard to trust me, but I knew that pushing would get me nowhere, at least not with her.
I took a step back, nodding slowly as I pushed back my own emotions. “I’ll make us something to eat p>
My fingers wrapped around the door knob when she stopped me.
“Rowan?” she called out and I froze mid-step, glancing at her over my shoulder. “Would you like to join me p>
My brows furrowed. “Join you p>
She gestured to the shower. “In there. Save water and all.” The tips of her ears turned a bright shade of pink as she spoke. “I’m just offering, you don’t have to p>
I made my way over to her, hands gripping her hips as I threw her over my shoulder. Her laugh echoed through the room, bouncing off the walls. Through the mirror, I saw her smile, her eyes scrunched together in pure joy.
“If I ever say no to this,” I began slowly. “Put a fucking knife through my skull p>
By the time we stepped out of the shower, she seemed more relaxed than she did before she stepped in.
She pulled one of my shirts over her head, bare feet pattering down the steps as she made her way to the kitchen.
“I thought I was making us breakfast,” I drawled, leaning against the doorway as she rummaged through the pantry.
“You always do, I wanted to do something nice. I did wake you up because of my nightmare today p>
I didn’t tell her that I was already awake. Sleeping did not come easy to me, and she turned… a lot as she slept.
She did not need the extra guilt.
“It was me,” she said softly, chopping up vegetables with careful precision. “In my nightmare. I looked… a mess. I was covered in blood and I didn’t look human p>
“You’re not human p>
She shot me a glare. “You know what I mean. I looked… like a monster. I had skin on my fingers. I’d killed someone and I was hunting myself p>
I pursed my lips tightly.
I knew this would come, ever since the moment she killed that rogue. Taking a life was no easy feat, not even for me who had taken so many.
She was young, and she was kind, her softness was her strength and it would also be the death of her. It was why I made sure it was me who dealt Henry’s killing blow, I did not want that on he shoulders.
“You are not a monster,” I said firmly, rising to my feet as I made my way across the counter to her. “Killing someone does not make you one p>
“Doesn’t it?” she asked, voice barely over a whisper. “You did not see how I looked in that dream. It was inhuman… monstrous. Is that what I will become if I continue to kill people p>
“The rogue would have killed you had you not killed him. You defended yourself p>
“He was someone’s family p>
“And you are mine!” I snapped, unable to stop myself. “I would rather you take a million lives because if you die, Nyssa, I can promise you that a million will fall alongside you. I will burn the entire world down if you are to depart from this earth p>
Her breath caught in her throat. “You do not mean that p>
“I do,” I said, my voice thick with determination. “You do not want to see what I will become if you were to ever die. I will take the whole world with you. If there is anyone who is a monster, little wolf, it is me, but I will do you no harm, I swear it to you p>
She sighed, eyes locking with mine. “You are no monster p>
“You flatter me, but I am. I am your monster, always.” Taking her hand, I placed it on my chest, letting her feel my heart hammer beneath her palm. “I love you, Nyssa Fang, monster or not, inhuman or not. You are mine p>