Chapter 103
~ NYSSA
I went still, my heart hammering in my chest as I slowly turned to him.
He stood by his door, his hands shoved into his pockets. He was obscured by the shadows so I couldn’t make out his eyes but I could feel the intensity of his gaze searing into my skin.
Panic seized me at the proximity and I reached for the doorknob, hoping to run into the room and away from the uncomfortable conversation that was about to ensue.
“Please, just… give me a minute, Nyssa p>
His voice was softer than I’d ever heard it, with a pleading tone inside of it. He stepped out of the shadows and my breath caught in my throat at the sheer intensity in his eyes.
“One minute is all I ask,” he whispered.
I swallowed thickly, rubbing my clammy hands against my thighs. “You have one minute, Rowan p>
He let out a sigh of relief, his shoulders sagging as he made his way closer to me.
He stopped around three feet away and up close, I could make out the new stress lines that had formed over his brows and the deep exhaustion that seemed to have etched into his features.
“I’m sorry p>
“About what, Rowan?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. “Are you sorry that you got caught or sorry that you did it in the first place p>
He pursed his lips tightly. “I did not seek out your parents to kill them out of cruelty, neither did I hide it from you to be cruel. I did not know how to tell you. I did not know what to say. I knew you would never forgive me p>
“So your logical thought was to keep me in the dark?” I scoffed, hands crossed over my chest.
“I would have told you p>
“When? Would you have waited until we were mated? Until my deathbed? You would have trapped me in a mating built off lies, Rowan. Do you not get that? You murdered my family! My parents were good. They did not deserve the torture that you put them through and nothing will justify it. Why them p>
His lips tightened into a flat line but he did not speak.
“You did it,” I reminded him. “Surely there is a reason. Tell me p>
“They were involved in something dark, Nyssa. The evidence pointed to them p>
“Well your evidence was wrong p>
He frowned. “I had the best spies working around the clock and looking into it. There was no doubt in my mind that they were responsible. It was evil things, Nyssa. They were taking children p>
The insinuation that my parents would ever do something like that hurt even more than the prior knowledge did. My parents were nothing short of good and kind. They helped children for fucks sake, they were pioneers in the pack.
That Rowan would try to shit on their names filled me with a rage so fierce that my knees buckled.
“My parents would never, so don’t sit there and try to taint my memory of them,” I hissed. “Go over your evidence again. I don’t give a fuck how many people you had, they must have all made a mistake p>
“Nyssa p>
“Your minute is up,” I cut him off.
He reached for me, his fingers brushing my shoulders and I shuddered against his touch.
It should have disgusted me, after all, there was blood on his hands, but I did not feel disgusted. If anything, I ached for his touch. My skin alighted with desire at the brush of his fingers and that did me in worse than anything else.
Just this morning I was in his bed, letting him kiss me and hold me and… I squeezed my eyes shut, tears gathering behind them. I couldn’t sleep here, not when he was just a few doors down.
“I need space,” I said suddenly, turning to him. “I need out of this palace. I need out of the pack p>
Panic flashed in his eyes. “If you are worried about me, I will stay out of your way. I will move somewhere else if you so wish. You do not need to leave, I will p>
“You are not listening to me,” I snapped. “This is your home, your palace and your life. I have intertwined mine so greatly with yours and I cannot do that anymore. I need out, Rowan. I need to clear my head p>
He pursed his lips. “You are my mate, your place is with me. We will talk it out, we will figure out how to stand p>
“If you do not let me leave, I will spend the rest of my life hating you. I will spend every waking moment trying to leave you, and I will never stop until I am as far away from you as I can get. All I am asking for is some time. Are you so cruel that you cannot give me that p>
He fell silent instantly.
I may have over exaggerated just a little, but it was necessary for him to realize just how much I needed the space.
“Where would you go?” he asked finally. “You do not have any family. I do not assume you want to return to your pack with Henry p>
I snorted.
The only person I held more contempt for than Rowan was Henry.
Where Rowan did not intentionally try to hurt me, Henry had set out to cause me pain. He wanted to weaponize my pain for his benefit, and that was unforgivable.
“I will go to a human town. I have some money of my own. I will take my time there p>
“How long p>
I deliberately kept my answer vague. “I cannot say. I just need time p>
He did not seem pleased with me but he nodded nonetheless. “We will speak of it tomorrow p>
He walked over to me, closing the gap between us. My breath hitched at the proximity and I tried to look everywhere else but at him.
He reached out for me, gently brushing a strand of hair away from my face.
“I care for you, Nyssa, and I never wanted to hurt you p>
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to focus on his words and the gentle stroke of his hand against my cheek.
“I will consider your request for space, but I am not a good enough man to let you leave me. I will bring you back if need be. I would rather bear the brunt of anger than not have you at all p>
He dropped a feather light kiss to my brow before pulling away, his footsteps disappearing down the hall.