Chapter 115
I stay quiet, pressing my lips into a thin line. Everything inside me is fighting the whisper of his name in my head.
The same man who once wished I could disappear can’t possibly be the one who waited two days for me to wake
I want to deny it. Want to say that it isn’t him but I can’t. Not when everything points straight at him. Lilly wouldn’t be this giddy if it were anyone else. And really, who else could it be? Everyone else who came wouldn’t have made her react like this.
“You’re not even going to try and guess?” she asks, her eyes narrowing on me, teasing but curious.
“Lilly,” I breathe out, my patience thinning. “You know I hate suspense p>
I’m sure it’s him, but until I hear his name, I’ll continue to feel like I’m standing at the edge of a cliff. I already know what’s coming, but I can’t stop the fall.
She studies me for a moment before exhaling, a flicker of disappointment crossing her face.
“Fine,” she mutters. “It’s Noah p>
The breath I was holding rushes out of me. I knew it, but hearing it confirmed hits differently.
And then come the questions begin to flood my head, so many of them that I find it hard to hold a single thought steady.
Why would he come? Was it because of the baby? But didn’t he say he didn’t want the baby? Didn’t he make it clear that he didn’t care about either of us?
“That’s not the reaction I was expecting,” Lilly says, her voice cutting through the noise in my head.
I look at her, still trying to process. “And what reaction were you expecting p>
She throws her hands up. “I don’t know. Maybe excitement? Relief? Joy? Something! Instead, you look like someone just told you to swallow a rock p>
I shift slightly on the bed, wincing when a dull ache flares in my side. “Why would I be excited that Noah was here, Lilly p>
She gives me a look that’s half disbelief, half exasperation. “Maybe because it’s a sign things are changing between you two,” she says softly. “You’ve loved Noah since we were kids, Sierra p>
“Key word being loved,” I mumble. “I loved him. I no longer do.” 3
Are you sure? a quiet voice whispers in my head.
It’s been so long since I even thought about Noah and love in the same sentence. He’s hurt me too much. How could I still love him after everything? Wouldn’t that make me pathetic, still holding on to someone who clearly despises me?
“That doesn’t matter,” Lilly says, cutting into my thoughts. “Think about it, when has Noah ever cared? When has he ever shown a shred of concern for you? Don’t you think it’s strange p>
“Maybe he was just concerned about the baby,” I mutter.
“Maybe,” she says thoughtfully, tapping her chin. “But you know what I think? Something’s changed in him. He’s been different lately p>
I sigh, already knowing where this is headed.
As much as Lilly always went head–to–head with Noal for me, she loves her cousin. Deep down, it was always her dream and mine once upon a time, that I’d marry Noah someday. That I’d officially become part of the family.
She’s tried setting me up with other men, but deep down she always held on to hope that Noah and I would end up together.
All this? Every time she talks about him changing? It’s her way of keeping that dream alive.
“Lilly,” I whisper, ignoring the sharp ache that cuts through my side. “It’s just your hopeful thinking. Nothing’s changed. Noah and I will never be together, and I’ve already accepted that p>
It hurt like hell–fuck, did it hurt–I cried for days and grieved. Eventually I accepted the reality and buried those feelings so deep in the depths of my soul that I no longer thought about them.
“But…” she starts, but I cut her off.
“Chloe was, and will always be, the love of his life,” I say quietly, remembering Noah’s scathing remarks.” Nothing and no one will ever change that p>
She falls silent for a moment, her expression softening. But then she shakes her head stubbornly, making me fight the need to shake her back to her senses.
“Then how do you explain why he stayed those two days?” she presses. “He drove us here, Sierra and stayed when he didn’t have to… The entire time we were waiting for news, he stayed and he never left even after the doctor told us you were out of danger p>
My heart does a weird little flip at that, and I hate that it does.
I shove the feeling down, locking it away before it can take root.
“We’ve done this dance before,” I say, my voice low. “And it always ends in disappointment p>
I know how this goes. Noah shows a flicker of decency, and I start to believe he cares, only for him to crush that hope all over again. Every time he gives me something to hold on to, the fall that follows hurts more than the last.