Chapter 349
SIERRA.
I survey the ballroom and, once again, wonder why the hell I agreed to this.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Aunt Ava and I’ve never missed any of her birthday celebrations, but today I’m just not feeling it.
Everywhere I look, people are laughing, smiling, and glowing with happiness and then there’s me, standing here feeling the exact opposite.
A few familiar faces have approached me, offering greetings and small talk, but I couldn’t even muster the energy to smile, let alone hold a conversation. Eventually, they drifted away, throwing me odd looks over their shoulders.
I sigh and down my mango juice in one go, the sweetness doing nothing to lift the heaviness sitting in my chest. I keep hold of the glass, fingers loose around it.
Across the room, I spot Aunt Ava deep in conversation, Uncle Rowan beside her, his entire attention fixed on her. It’s almost unreal the way he looks at her. Like she has him under some kind of spell. His eyes are filled with the kind of love and devotion I can’t quite understand but I’m slightly jealous of.
My gaze shifts to Aunt Harper, Aunt Emma, Aunt Letty, and Aunt Corrine, and it’s the same damn thing. No one needs to tell you their husbands adore them because it’s in the way they look at them like they’re the most precious thing in the world.
“You look like you’re constipated.” Lilly appears beside me, a glass of champagne in hand. “Or like someone shoved a lemon down your throat p>
“I hate happy couples,” I mutter.
She chuckles softly. “You’re not angry at them. You’re just angry that everyone seems happy… everyone except you p>
Fuck. She’s right. This melancholy feeling has its claws deep in me and it won’t let go. It’s like while everyone else’s world is filled with rainbow colors, mine has been drained into dull greys and blacks.
It’s depressing as hell and I hate that everyone else gets to be happy.
“You’re right,” I admit quietly.
To catch you up, Adrian hasn’t reached out. Not once. Not even a single text to give me something to hold onto. He’s gone completely silent and I’m too damn stubborn to reach out first.
Why should I anyway? Why should I have to explain myself and plead my case?
It’s been heart-wrenching because every morning I wake up and reach for my phone, half-expecting a good morning text and every morning, I’m disappointed again and again.
I’ve tried holding onto hope, but it’s such a fragile thing that’s easily destroyed. Part of me wants to wait and just give him time but the other part, the majority, thinks I should just let go. That I should give up.
It’s exhausting constantly shifting between anger, hurt, frustration, hope, and sadness. It’s draining me and taking its emotional toll.
Lilly wraps an arm around my lower back and leans into me, resting her head lightly against mine, since she’s in heels and I am not.
“Cheer up and let loose a little,” Lilly says, and I can hear the smile in her voice. “For today, just enjoy the present and stop worrying about the future p>
“Easy for you to say,” I mutter. “You’re not the one who got dumped p>
“Now you’re just overreacting,” she replies. “Adrian didn’t dump you. He’s just taking time to think things through. He’ll be back before you know it p>
“Since when did you become his spokesperson?” I ask, irritation creeping in. “And sure, let him take all the time he wants, but by the time he comes back? I might not even want him anymore p>
It’s something I’ve actually thought about. Yes, I want him to reach out. I want him to call… But am I ready to let go of the fact that he didn’t believe me? Am I ready to forget that he doubted me?
And what if it takes weeks… months… for him to finally see the truth? What if it turns into Noah all over again, where he believes me only after too much damage has already been done? What am I supposed to do then? Just forgive him? Pretend like he didn’t question me as a person?
“I can hear you thinking,” Lilly says, giving my back a gentle pat. “Like I said, stop worrying about Adrian, or Noah, or the future. Focus on now. Focus on the baby, your research… but don’t let yourself get consumed by what hasn’t even happened yet p>