Chapter 307
The pain is consuming watching her now while knowing I’m the reason she once looked hollow… it’s unbearable.
“Fuck,” I mutter under my breath, gripping the glass so tightly it digs into my palm.
I used to think it was her loss… That hurting me and losing me was her punishment… And I clung to that belief like an armor. My arrogance, my self-righteousness, and my wounded pride convinced me that she’d one day look back and regret letting me slip through her fingers.
But now? Now, watching her glow, watching her laugh, watching her be happy, the truth slams into me like a fucking train wreck.
It wasn’t her loss. It was mine. Because I lost a woman who loved me with everything she had, and I destroyed her.
For a moment, the world tilts and I can’t breathe.
Air refuses to enter my lungs no matter how hard I try. My chest tightens violently, like an invisible fist is crushing it from the inside.
“Hey, are you okay?” Gunner’s voice cuts through, sharp with concern.
I try to inhale, but the air gets stuck halfway down, my chest burning.
“I can’t breathe,” I rasp, the words scraping past my throat.
The glass is ripped from my hand. Someone—Gunner—grabs my arm and steers me away. I barely register the shift from the backyard to inside the house as my vision blurs and my ears ring.
Then slowly, painfully, my lungs unlock. Air rushes in and my body stops fighting itself.
When my vision clears, I’m sitting on a couch in the living room and Gunner is crouched in front of me, watching like I might collapse.
“Did anyone notice?” I croak, my voice hoarse.
He shakes his head and relief floods through me. The last thing I need is Sierra seeing me fall apart.
I lean forward, elbows braced on my knees, staring at the floor like it holds answers.
“You’re not okay,” Gunner says quietly. “Is this about Sierra? About what you found out p>
A humorless breath leaves me. “You’re too perceptive for your own good p>
He doesn’t smile, just waits patiently.
“Talk to me, Noah,” he says, low and steady. “What happened back there wasn’t random. That was a breakdown p>
Where the fuck do I even start?
“I don’t know,” I whisper. “I honestly don’t fucking know p>
“You were staring at Si,” he presses. “What were you thinking when you couldn’t breathe p>
I swallow hard.
“That I’m an idiot,” I admit. “That I hurt and unleashed my wrath on a woman who didn’t deserve it. That I should have talked to her. That I should’ve asked questions instead of believing lies. That I’m a monster p>
The words feel ugly and ragged as they tear into my already frayed soul.
“And all the what-ifs,” I continue quietly. “If I hadn’t believed Chloe. If I’d chosen her. If I’d fought for her instead of punishing her p>
Silence stretches between us, then Gunner exhales slowly.
“I get it now,” he murmurs.
“Get what p>
“You’re regretting p>
“Regret p>
I’ve never felt it before. Not once in my entire fucking life.
Every step, every choice, and every decision I’ve ever made is always calculated for the best outcome.
I prided myself on being two steps ahead. Always anticipating the fallout before it happened. I never miscalculate… Until that damn diary.
The more I think about it, the more the feeling settles heavy in my gut, like molten lead cooling.
“You’re starting to regret everything you did to Sierra,” Gunner says quietly. “And it’s hitting you this hard because for years you convinced yourself you were justified in your cruelty and mistreatment p>
My lungs constrict and it feels like my chest is caving inward.
The word feels foreign because regret sounds like wishing you’d taken a different turn.
This feels like realizing you burned down your own house… and the one person who made it a home was inside.
“I don’t know what to do,” I admit, the confession scraping my throat raw. “I don’t know how to handle this p>
Gunner leans back, studying me. “Start by talking to her. Ask her what really happened back then. Listen to her side of the story and then apologize p>
“I don’t know how to face her, Gun,” I whisper. “How do I look her in the eye knowing I shattered her p>
I close my eyes, but it doesn’t help. It never helps.
“I thought she broke my heart,” I continue, my voice hollow. “And that pain? I wouldn’t wish it on anyone so I can’t even begin to imagine what she felt when I chose one of her closest friends over her p>
Gunner exhales slowly. “I don’t have words to comfort you, Noah. You brought this on yourself and only you can fix it p>
Do I even have that right? To walk back into her life and dig up wounds I caused years ago? Would she even want to hear it?
We fall into silence, and it doesn’t feel heavy between us. It never has. We’ve always known how to sit in quiet without suffocating under it.
After a while, Gunner speaks again. “I’ve been wondering something p>
I open my eyes.
“Sierra’s lawyer… isn’t she one of the Whitmores’ family lawyers p>
“Yes,” I reply, leaning back into the couch.
“And you’re not curious why Adrian’s family lawyer was defending her p>
I sigh, too drained to chase conspiracies. “Not really. Just because she works for them doesn’t mean she doesn’t take other clients p>
“Yeah, but p>
“Sierra wanted to handle part of the case herself,” I cut in. “She probably hired Kerry because she wanted to be in control of something… and we both know Kerry is one of the best in the country p>
Gunner nods slowly, though I can see the doubt still lingering in his eyes.
I don’t push it because I have the energy and honestly? I’m not worried. Not when I have more pressing matters. Namely, Getting close to Sierra.
The thought alone makes my pulse shift because for the first time in years, this isn’t about ego. It isn’t about winning. It isn’t about proving something… It’s about undoing damage I caused with my own hands.
I glance toward the backyard, where laughter floats in through the open doors. I can barely see her from here, but I know she’s there and I don’t know if I’m selfish for wanting to step back into that orbit, but I do know one thing: I can’t sit back anymore. Not when I finally understand what I lost and did.
If there’s even the smallest chance she’ll let me explain… let me apologize… I’m taking it.
Because this time? I’m not walking away without fighting for her.