Chapter 427
Something inside me twists painfully at the remorse written all over his face. When he finally falls silent, I lean back slightly in my seat and just look at him.
“I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt,” I admit quietly.
I watch, and it feels like my words hit him physically. It’s like something inside me caves in all at once, but I’m not going to sugar coat things or try to make him feel better.
“I understand why you reacted the way you did, I really do, but understanding it doesn’t erase what it made me feel,” I continue honestly. “You made me feel the way Noah used to make me feel… Like I was the problem. Like I was always in the wrong. Like my words meant nothing p>
His head jerks back up immediately, and once again, he looks like I just took a sledgehammer to his heart. Pain flashes so openly across his face that for a second, I almost stop talking, but I don’t because this was the other thing my therapist taught me.
She taught me to stop swallowing my pain just to make other people comfortable. To stop pretending things didn’t hurt me when they did. She taught me to speak and be bold enough to tell the ones that hurt me that they did hurt me and it was fucking painful.
I’m not trying to make him feel bad by comparing him to Noah, but I need him to understand how similar his actions were to Noah’s and the damage they caused.
“When you walked away that day, it brought back all the pain from before and it felt like once again lies and doubts are more important than me,” I whisper.
Adrian looks completely wrecked and part of me hates seeing him like that, but another part knows he needs to hear this.
“I’m so sorry, Sierra,” he says again, his voice rough with emotion.
“I know you are,” I reply softly. “But hearing those words doesn’t erase the memory because I can still see your back as you walked away while I begged you to stay p>
His breath catches sharply and for a second, he genuinely looks like he forgot how to breathe before he finally exhales painfully, almost like my words physically hurt him.
His fingers tighten slightly around his coffee cup. “I should’ve stayed. I should’ve listened. I should’ve trusted you instead of letting my doubts control me and I will regret that for the rest of my life… I was foolish and I hate myself for destroying the best thing to ever happen in my life p>
Silence stretches between us again before he finally asks softly, “Can you give me a second chance p>
There’s so much hope in his voice that it almost hurts to hear. I stare at him quietly for a moment before answering honestly.
“I’ve let go of what happened, and I’ve forgiven you,” I say softly. “I just don’t know if we can ever go back to what we were before… You broke my trust in you when you walked away, and I don’t know if I can rebuild that p>
After that, the conversation drifts. It is no longer heavy, but it’s not lighter either. Just this awkward state that I wished would end quickly. Eventually, we finish our drinks and leave the café together.
The walk back to Lilly’s apartment building is quiet again, though this silence feels less tense than before. Once we’re inside the lobby, Adrian suddenly stops walking, and before I can react, he gently pulls me closer and presses a kiss against one cheek.
When he pulls back, his eyes hold mine steadily. “I understand where you’re coming from, I really do… but I’m not giving up because I love you, Sierra p>
Shock crashes through me instantly, that for a second, I almost forget to breathe.
“I love you,” he repeats softly, almost like he needs me to truly hear him. “And I can’t imagine my life without you in it p>
For a second, I can’t even speak because in all the time we’ve known each other… This is the first time he’s ever said it.
Adrian gives me one last look before finally turning and walking away and I just stand there watching him leave, my heart pounding wildly in my chest as his words continue echoing over and over again.