Chapter 245
I fold the last sweater slowly, even though it doesn’t need to be folded again. My suitcase is already half full, clothes stacked neatly, shoes tucked into the corners. Everything looks orderly. Too orderly for how I feel inside. Too orderly for the storm that is raging inside me.
We got back from Paris late last night. I was exhausted emotionally and physically, so I decided to spend the night. At first, I thought I could simply head straight home and ask Noah to send my things later. I know. It was a cowardly decision. But I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to tell the twins that I wouldn’t be staying. I didn’t know how to face them and for a moment, running felt easier.
Then I realized how unfair that would be. They’ve done nothing but love me, and leaving without a word would only hurt them. I couldn’t bear that. So I stayed so I could say a proper goodbye.
That brings us to today. Everything feels different now and my heart is heavy, as though it’s weighed down by stones.
I try to distract myself from the inevitable, and in doing so, my mind drifts back to Paris.
After the gala, Lilly and I made the most of the trip. We walked until our feet hurt, laughed over pastries dusted in sugar, tried too many desserts, complained about how small the coffee cups were. We did all the cliché things; Eiffel Tower, river walks, bakeries tucked into side streets.
And Noah? I avoided him for three days straight.
I don’t seek him out. He doesn’t seek me out either. No accidental encounters. No forced conversations. Just distance, and that distance put a lot of things into a clear perspective.
I slide the zipper shut with a soft sound that feels louder than it should, just as the door creaks open behind me. I turn to see Nova standing there, still in her pajamas, hair a mess of curls around her face.
I can’t stop the air that rushes out of my lungs. I thought I had enough time to prepare for what I’d say to them, but now she’s here and my mind chooses this particular time to go blank.
Her eyes land on the suitcase, her little brows knit together and my heart constricts painfully.
“Sierra?” she asks hesitantly, as she walks towards me. “Are you going on another trip p>
My chest tightens so fast it steals my breath. For a moment I feel like I can’t breathe.
Slowly I inhale and force my lungs to work again, then kneel in front of her and open my arms. She walks into them without hesitation, fitting against me like she belongs there.
“I’m not going on a trip,” I say softly, my soul aching in a way I can’t explain.
She pulls back just enough to look at my face. “Then why are you packing p>
I swallow. “I’m going back to my house p>
The words barely leave my mouth before her face crumples.
“Nooo,” she whispers.
Then louder. “No p>
Tears flood her eyes, arms wrapping around my neck, while her body shakes terribly.
“Don’t go,” she sobs. “Please don’t go, Si. S-stay with us p>
My heart splinters into tiny shards that bleed and fills my heart with nothing but heartache and pain.
I hold her tighter, pressing my face into her hair, breathing her in like I can memorize her this way. Like I can absorb her into me and keep her with me always.
“I’ve stayed a long time, sweetheart,” I whisper. “I have to go home p>
“No!” she cries again, louder now, her voice raw. “I don’t want you to go! I want you to stay p>
“Nova p>
“You said you’d stay,” she screams, shoving me hard enough that I fall back on my ass. “You promised! You said you wouldn’t leave us p>
I scramble back onto my knees and reach for her, but she’s hysterical. She hits my shoulder, then pushes me again, her small body shaking with sobs.
“Why?” she screams, tears streaming down her face. “Why are you leaving us p>
“Because I have to, sweetie,” I say, forcing calm into my voice when I’m anything but. “I can’t stay here p>
“You could if you wanted to,” she cries. “But you don’t want to… you don’t love us p>
The words cut deeper than anything else. It feels like they’re slicing straight through my soul.
I pull her toward me again, folding her into my arms. “I do love you, baby,” I whisper, my voice breaking. “I love you and Nolan. I always will p>
“No, you don’t!” she sobs, struggling to push me away, but I refuse to let go.
“Nova, listen to me,” I plead, over and over, but it’s useless.
“No!” she screams.
The sound of her scream echoes down the hallway, and seconds later, footsteps pound toward the room. The door bursts open as Noah and Nolan rush in.