Chapter 413
My thoughts drift again, but this time it’s to the scene in the car. What she told me keeps playing in my head.
I tense slightly, pushing away from the window every single inch of my body fighting against her words.
‘You loved Chloe p>
I refuse the statement, shaking my head, as I try to ground myself.
I didn’t love Chloe. I can’t have loved her. Not after everything I know now. Not after the truth of who she really was came to light. I can’t reconcile that version of her with something like love.
How could I have loved her when the version she presented me was a fake? How could I have loved her when that woman never existed in the first place? Love is built on honesty and trust, but there was never that between us. She lied to me over and over again, so how can I accept that what I felt, what was between us, was love?
I exhale sharply, dragging a hand over my face.
I loved Sierra before I even knew what love truly is. I thought I hated her after high school but then her softness rekindled that love after Chloe broke up with me in college.
So, what happened? Why did I choose Chloe?
The question wreaks havoc, and this time, I don’t have an answer that comes easy. Instead, memories I don’t want to face surface.
I remember the day I won my first game, the adrenaline still rushing through me as I pushed through the crowd to find Chloe. I remember lifting her up in the air as she laughed before I kissed her.
I remember when I closed my first real deal at eighteen and reached for my phone. It wasn’t Sierra I called, it was Chloe. She’s the one I went to after the papers were signed. The one I celebrated with.
Every moment I had with her: The laughter, the kisses, the warmth, the joy, the times we’d spend in bed planning our future, the way she would look at me like I was the only person in the room, the way my heart swelled when I saw her, and I’d go straight to her after a bad day.
Each and every one of those moments weren’t fake. They were real and I had lived them. I couldn’t erase them or try to rewrite them simply because I didn’t like the person she was. You can fake everything else but you can’t fake or force feeling.
My chest constricts in pain as realization hits me. Sierra was my first love, that never changed, but I did love Chloe
My breathing turns ragged. Sierra was right, somewhere along the way I fell for Chloe too. Not the woman she turned out to be, but the version of her I believed in. The version that was kind, warm, attentive. The version that made me feel like what we had was real.
I hate that’s it true, but I can’t erase it and now I don’t know what to do with the truth.
I fell for the woman who tormented Sierra, how can I even hope for forgiveness? How can I even hope for a second chance?
It would have been different matter if I had not fallen for Chloe, but I did, I loved her for years, I built a life with her and the echoes of that life are everywhere, so how can I hope for Sierra to choose me, when she has Adrian? Adrian who has no baggage from the past.
I close my eyes briefly, exhaling slowly, letting myself drown in my thoughts.
By the time dinner comes around, I feel like a stranger in my own body.
We eat together, the twins filling the space with noise and energy, especially Nova, who talks through most of the meal like she’s making up for lost time.
I look at Sierra as she listens and responds when needed.
My feelings for her never died, they were just buried and when she came back into my life, they resurfaced stronger than ever. I fought against them because I couldn’t let myself go there with her, but then the truth came out and everything blew up in my face.