Chapter 7
“Si, talk to me,” she urges gently.
I swallow, hard. I can’t tell her. This is mine to carry. My shame. My burden. It’ll stay buried with me. No one can ever know just how royally I messed up. 1
“It’s nothing,” I lie, wiping at my tears. “Just… one of those days p>
The silence that follows is too long. For a moment, I think she’s hung up. Then she speaks again, quiet and cautious.
“You know… I just got off the phone with Aunt Ava p>
My heart stutters.
“She told you,” I say flatly.
“She said she asked you to find Noah last night when she couldn’t reach him. And that you texted her after saying you’d found him. That he was okay p>
Shit.
I fumble for words. “Uh–yeah. I found him. Things just… didn’t go well for me p>
“What happened? I swear I’ll castrate him if he said even one hurtful word p>
And she honestly would. It wouldn’t be the first time Lilly went head–to–toe with her cousin for me. There was a time when I was thirteen; she didn’t talk to Noah for weeks after he humiliated me in front of the entire class.
I had to convince her to let it go and it took a month for her to finally let it go. 1
I want to tell her everything but my shame. It’s stopping me from spilling everything on her like I always do. 1
We’ve never had secrets between us, but this one? This is one secret I’m taking to the grave with me.
“You know the usual, Noah being Noah,” I reply in a detached tone. “He didn’t take kindly to seeing me p>
Technically speaking, I wasn’t lying. It’s just half the truth.
“Si…” she whispers softly.
That’s all she says, but it’s enough. She knows how it must have hurt even without telling her everything.
No one and I mean no one has ever been at the receiving end of Noah’s hatred like I have. She’s my best friend so she knows and understands just how deeply Noah can hurt me.
“It’s okay,” my voice cracks once again. “I got used to it, remember?… It stings, but that’s all there is p>
Another lie.
It doesn’t just sting. It has shattered me.
We fall into silence. It’s not awkward. Just… familiar. We’ve been here before. Too many times. We’ve picked apart every possible reason for Noah’s hatred over the years and we always came up empty. Eventually, we gave up trying to figure him out.
“I need to go home,” I say softly.
I realize my mistake immediately after the words leave my mouth.
“Where are you?” she asks, suspicious now.
“I just… I took a drive to clear my head. Needed space p>
I hear her sigh. “I’ll have words with him, Si… Don’t let his words get to you. Remember that you are loved. You’ve always been loved. Forget my idiot cousin. I love him to death, but he isn’t worth the tears you’ve shed all these years p>
I love that she wants to help, but we both know it’s not going to help shit. And besides, I don’t know if Noah would reveal what happened between us, but I can’t risk it.
Plus, I plan to go back to how things were in the six years I avoided him. In a few months none of this is going to matter.
I take a deep breath, letting her words wash over me even though I don’t feel that put together.
“Thanks, Lilly, for always having my back, but there is no need to talk to him. We both know it won’t do any good. Just let it go p>
“Fine, and no need for thanks; you’d have done the same for me,” she lets out a breath. “Text me when you get home p>
“Will do p>
We hang up. I sit there for a beat longer, then finally start the car and drive.
The ride home blurs past me. I don’t even remember the turns I took. Just the ache in my chest.
I park, get out, and head straight inside.
Blackie greets me at the door, her tiny voice pulling a smile from me I didn’t know I still had. I scoop her up, nuzzle her soft fur, then set her down gently.
I drop the keys on the table before walking to the kitchen with Blackie trailing behind me, her cute little meows easing the heaviness inside. Being here in my space with Blacky is like a balm, already making me feel better.
Dropping onto one of the bar stools, phone in hand, ready to text Lilly, I see it.
Aunt Ava’s text.
[Thank you, my Darling. You didn’t have to, but you did me a huge favor. Noah just picked up the twins and he looks better than he has since Chloe died. Thank you, and I love you.
I stare at the screen. My thumbs hover. I want to reply. But I don’t.
I don’t know why. Maybe because she doesn’t know the full story. Maybe because I did more than just find Noah and now I feel like I did something wrong.
I set the phone down.
I tell myself to forget it all. Last night. Him. Everything.
But some things… don’t go away just because we want them to.