Chapter 262
NOAH.
The house is quiet after Adrian and Gunner leave.
Their laughter still echoes faintly in the walls, like an afterimage, but it fades quickly, leaving something heavy in its place.
I stand there for a moment longer than necessary, glass still in my hand, staring at nothing as Adrian’s voice loops in my head, refusing to let me think of anything else apart from what he said.
Do I want Sierra? I don’t know. There is this part that gravitates towards her, but there is also the part that holds on to Chloe. The part that refuses to let the past go.
Exhaling sharply, I set the glass down before I throw it.
I turn and walk towards the twins’ room even as I try to push the thoughts away. As I try to drown the feeling of unease I felt when Adrian admitted that he was seeing someone.
I push open the door. Nova is sprawled sideways across her bed, clutching the necklace Sierra gave her like it might disappear if she lets go while Nolan lies on his back, hands folded neatly over his chest, expression serious even in sleep.
I adjust Nova’s blanket, brushing hair from her forehead, before kissing both their foreheads.
I stand there, watching them breathe, before giving them one last look.
My feet take me down the hallway without conscious thought, towards the room I’ve always kept locked.
The air inside smells faintly of lavender and antiseptic. Her scent has faded, given I haven’t been here in weeks. Not since the day Sierra found me here.
Tonight, though, I need Chloe. I need something to hold on to. Some reminder that I don’t want Sierra. Some reminder that I’m not falling for her like I did before. A reminder that Chloe was the only one who deserved my love.
I move toward the dresser first, opening drawers. My fingers brush against her things, but this time, none of it does anything. None of them anchor me the way I’d hoped.
I turn to the closet and open it. Her clothes hang immaculately arranged. I shove them aside, searching without knowing what I’m looking for. I just want something. Anything that will make me feel closer to Chloe. Anything that can chase the feelings surrounding Sierra’s name.
In my hurry and desperation, my shoulder bumps a shelf. Something shifts and a box tips.
Books tumble down, hitting the floor.
“Fuck,” I mutter, crouching to pick them up and that’s when I see it. A notebook. It lies open on the carpet.
I haven’t seen it in a long time, but I’d recognize that handwriting anywhere. It’s Chloe’s.
I frown and stare at it like it’s a rattlesnake. I know that for a fact that Chloe never kept a diary. She used to laugh at the idea, said it was pointless, that memories were better lived than written.
I pick it up slowly, then move to the bed. My fingers tremble as I sit on the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping under my weight, the notebook resting heavy in my hands.
I shouldn’t read this, I know that, but curiosity claws at me.
The first page isn’t dated. The ink is uneven, and the pressure is inconsistent.
[The pain is unbearable, and sometimes it gets so bad it overshadows everything else in my life. Every moment. Every dream. Every memory.
Maybe the pain is the body’s way of keeping score. Maybe I deserve this… but right now none of that matters.
What matters is that I just need something to hold onto. I need an escape. I need to remember, because remembering eases the pain. It keeps the darkness away p>
My throat tightens.
I close my eyes briefly, memories threatening to surface: hospital rooms, machines, the way she gripped my hand so hard some nights I thought she’d break it.
I force them back. I can’t go there. Not now.
I turn the page.
[I remember the day I first met Noah p>
Something twists in my heart.
[I was only eleven, but I swear he was the most handsome boy I’d ever seen. He smiled at me like I mattered. Like I was someone worth noticing. He didn’t even know what he did to me that day]
I frown.
Eleven?
My mind reaches for the memory but comes back empty.
I read on.
[Noah helped me up when I tripped and smiled at me. I swear, it was the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen and it nearly made my heart stop. He didn’t know it then, but that was the day my crush began p>
My fingers tighten around the page. I search my mind again, but I still get nothing. Just blank space where a memory should be.
I skim through her words again and again and get nothing.
A strange, unsettling feeling starts creeping in when I realize I don’t remember this. I don’t remember the day Chloe and I met.
Not the details. Not the moment. Not the feeling… Absolutely nothing.
My gaze drifts unfocused to the wall across from me as a memory comes uninvited.
I remember seeing Sierra at school. She had a pink dress, smeared with a little mud at the front. Her blonde hair was in bouncy pigtails, her eyes sparkling as she laughed at something she was holding in her hand.
I remember thinking how pretty she was and thinking she had the most beautiful laugh I’d ever heard. It was the kind that you could listen to over and over again.
I stood there, ignoring Gunner and the rest of my friends, just watching, and admiring her… well until she came over and opened her mouth and told me she’d marry me one day.
I chuckle, remembering just how pissed I was. I hated that she embarrassed me in front of my friends.
My smile slips as the contrast hits me hard enough that I suck in a breath.
Unease claws at my insides when the truth settles in like an unwanted guest… I don’t remember the day I met Chloe, but I can remember every single detail of the day I first met Sierra.