Chapter 75
My jaw aches from clenching it, but the burn in my chest only grows hotter, spreading until it feels like fire under my ribs. They’re mine. Chloe’s and mine. And yet they’re smiling about Sierra like she’s some blessing dropped onto their laps. Like she belongs here.
She doesn’t because she’s nothing but poison.
“Daddy?” Nova’s little fingers tug at my sleeve again. “Can we be there when Aunt Sierra has her baby? I want to hold her p>
The question makes my grip tighten around her. Fuck, what am I supposed to say to her? Once Nova gets something into her head, it’s almost impossible to change her mind. Same goes for Nolan, though he’s more reasonable than his sister.
“I want to see her baby too,” Nolan adds, almost like he’s daring me to be mad about it.
“Listen p>
Nova cuts me off before I can come up with an excuse. She gives me those puppy eyes that remind me so much of Chloe. “I promise I’ll be super careful while carrying her baby. I’ll even start practicing. I promise I won’t drop her baby p>
“Can we also get the baby gifts?” Nolan asks, catching me by surprise. “Grandma said she already bought the baby some, but she plans to buy more p>
“But first we have to know if it’s a boy, girl or both,” Nova presses on. “That way we’ll know what color to buy p>
Each word, each sentence feels like a blade across my bleeding heart. They’re already bonded to this baby without even realizing it’s their sibling. The irony isn’t lost on me.
I run my hand through my hair as the weight of everything settles on me. The fact that my mind has even acknowledged the baby as their sibling and not just Sierra’s baby makes me feel like I’m sinking, suffocating.
Nolan frowns, thoughtful. “That makes sense… and since it’s a cousin, it means the baby and Aunt Sierra have to come here or to our house sometimes p>
I stay quiet, my mouth refusing to move as if it’s forgotten how to speak.
Nova rests her head against my chest, her voice soft. “I like her smile. She makes me feel… warm p>
I feel sucker punched, my throat dry. Warm. Sierra made her feel warm. The knife I mentioned? Yeah, I can feel it going deeper into my heart.
“She might not come back,” I manage, my voice rougher than I intend.
“Why not?” Nova asks, confusion knitting her little brows.
I swallow hard, the muscles in my jaw locking so tight it hurts. I want to shut this down, snap that Sierra doesn’t belong here, that the baby doesn’t belong here–but the words lodge somewhere between my anger and something deeper.
I have no answer for her. No matter how hard I think, I can’t come up with an answer.
The swing groans as I stand abruptly. “Let’s go inside. You don’t want to miss dessert p>
They light up instantly, bounding ahead like the heaviness never existed. I envy their ease.
Inside, mom sets dessert before them, her eyes flicking to me more than once, her gaze sharp with unspoken questions. Dad doesn’t say anything, but I can feel his gaze.
I don’t ask about Sierra. Neither of them mentions her.
The evening finally comes to an end, and I feel I can breathe again. We bid the others goodnight and step outside the house.
The twins skip ahead to the car. Nova hums a silly tune while Nolan silently follows behind her. For a second the world is exactly as it should be… Until Mom’s hand is on my arm. Her voice drops so low only I can hear it.
“Good night, my love p>
“Good night, Mom.” I force the words out.
She doesn’t let go. Her fingers tighten the smallest fraction and the air between us changes.
“And Noah,” she says, and I freeze, her words chilling me to the bone. “I’m going to find out what you’re hiding from me… One way or another.” 4