Chapter 23
All the pain I’ve been suppressing, all the heartbreak and weight I’ve been carrying these past few days, it all comes out in waves.
“Shhh,” Mom whispers, rubbing my back. “It’s okay, baby. I’ve got you p>
Hearing her call me that breaks me even more. It reminds me that I am loved. That I’m still her baby girl, and nothing will ever change that.
I bury my face in her shoulder, inhaling her familiar scent–wild berries. It centers me, grounds me and eases the crashing weight in my soul.
When there are no more tears, I pull away from her. She takes my hand and gently guides me to the dining table.
Even now, my mom is still stunning. She’s aged like fine wine and people have a hard time believing that she’s forty–nine.
I’ve never understood why she stayed single. Growing up, men used to ask her out all the time, but she always turned them down. She was beautiful, had a successful nursing career, and could’ve had anyone, but she remained single.
I once asked why she never dated. She told me she didn’t need a man. She had me and that was enough.
I never thought of following in my mom’s footsteps, but maybe my baby will be enough for me too.
“Tell me what’s wrong, my love,” she says, concern shining in her eyes.
If there’s one person who can pull me out of this pit, it’s her.
I take a deep breath.
“I’m pregnant p>
She blinks in surprise. Then a smile slowly begins to form.
“I’m going to be a grandma?” she asks, her voice laced with shock and joy.
“Yes.” I fumble with my hands, avoiding her eyes.
It takes just a few seconds for the smile to slip from her face.
“You don’t look happy about it p>
She’s staring at me like she’s trying to see straight into my soul.
“I didn’t expect this, Mom,” I whisper. “I don’t know how to do this p>
And it’s the truth. I chose to keep the baby, but I honestly don’t know where to start or how I’m going to do this. I don’t know how I am going to raise a baby single–handedly.
“The father?” she asks gently.
Ah, fuck! I didn’t think this through. I scramble to come up with a lie. Something that will sound believable.
“H–he isn’t in the picture.” I stammer. “The baby is a result of a one–night stand p>
Technically speaking, I’m not lying, but it also feels weird and awkward admitting that I had a one–night stand.
Growing up, I avoided any sex talk with mom. Given she’s a nurse, she was all about safe sex and all that, while I just found it weird talking about sex with my mother.
“I see,” she murmurs, her eyes still on mine.
Since I don’t plan on Noah being in the baby’s life, this is the only way to make sure that no one except for Lilly and probably Gunner (I’m sure Noah has already told him) knows the truth.
The only thing I can do is pray that his genes aren’t stronger than mine and that the baby looks nothing like him. Otherwise, things will blow up in our faces when the baby is born. 1
She doesn’t say anything for a moment, and my heart pounds. Has she figured it out?
But then she speaks.
“Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, Si,” she says. “Nothing prepares you for it. You just do your best. And the fact that you’re already scared? That’s a sign of a good mother. You’re already thinking about your child’s well–being. That’s a good start p>
Tears sting my eyes again and I feel like crying again.
“Is it always like this?” I sniff. “This emotional p>
She chuckles softly. “Oh, sweetheart. You haven’t seen anything yet p>
“Seriously?” I blink. “I thought that was just an exaggeration p>
“When I was pregnant with you, I cried for thirty minutes because I picked a blue cup from the cabinet instead of the white one with flowers p>
My eyes widen. That’s what I signed up for?
She laughs at the memory. “Looking back, it was silly. I could’ve just switched cups. But in that moment, it felt like my world had ended p>
She grows thoughtful, her eyes distant with nostalgia. 1
She laughs at the memory. “Looking back, it was silly. I could’ve just switched cups. But in that moment, it felt like my world had ended p>
She grows thoughtful, her eyes distant with nostalgia.
“Anyway… get ready for nausea, mood swings, weird cravings, swollen feet, and backaches… oh, and you won’t be able to shave or bend for months. And p>
“Okay, okay,” I cut her off, laughing nervously. “You’re scaring me p>
Her laughter joins mine, warm and soft. “Don’t be scared. It’s a beautiful journey. Worth every crazy moment. Holding you for the first time? That’s still one of the best moments of my life p>
She leans over and kisses my cheek. Her warmth seeps into me, wrapping around the cracks in my heart.
“You don’t have to worry, Si,” she says. “You’re going to be an incredible mother p>
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