Chapter 203
We continue in that same tension and I hate it. Hate that it seems I can never relax around Noah.
There was once upon a time when I could. Where I felt so comfortable, so seen, and so taken care of that for a moment I thought things would work out for us. I thought that finally things were falling into place. I had so much hope back then, and everything between us felt like it was ordained by the heavens… until Noah pulled the carpet from underneath me and tore my heart in what became the last time we’d ever see eye to eye.
Shaking my head, I force myself to come back to the present. If it’s a choice between staying in this weird tension and revisiting that painful past? I’d choose this weird tension in a heartbeat.
He doesn’t say much, but when he does, it’s usually to correct something quietly.
“That’s not a deer, Nova. It’s a kudu.” “That one’s an oryx, not a cow.” “No, Nolan, you cannot pet the warthog p>
He walks just close enough that if I drift too near the rail, his hand hovers like he’s ready to pull me back.
We eventually reach the lions.
Nolan’s eyes practically glow. “Yeees, finally. I’ve been looking forward to this since yesterday p>
Nova clings to her father’s head. “Nooo. They’re so scary p>
We stand at the viewing glass, and a massive male lion is lounging in the shade, tail flicking lazily.
“He’s so big… and all those sharp teeth.” Nova whispers,
“He’s a predator; that’s why he has sharp teeth,” Nolan says proudly. “He needs them to tear into another animal’s flesh p>
Nova’s eyes widen in fear, and I see a tremble work through her tiny body at Nolan’s words.
“You’re not helping, Nolan,” Noah says.
“But it’s true.” Nolan insists.
“Stop scaring your sister.” Noah answers, giving him a look.
Nolan shrugs before turning to. He tugs at my sleeve. “Do you think he can tell you have a baby p>
I choke on absolutely nothing. I don’t know; maybe it’s the way he says it. All soft and warm, as if he’s accepted my baby as part of their family… but every time the twins mention my baby, it has me freezing because this is their half sibling, yet they’ll never get to know him.
I stare at him and he shrugs, completely serious. “Animals can sense things, right? Maybe he knows p>
My face heats instantly. “I don’t think that’s how it works p>
“He’s looking at you,” Nova says gravely.
The lion is not. The lion is looking at nothing.
I risk a glance at Noah. His jaw is tight. He’s staring at the lion with a focus that feels… misplaced. Almost like he doesn’t want to look at me.
At some point after we leave the lions, a woman walking past slows down and smiles at us.
“Your kids are adorable,” she tells me. “You have a beautiful family and you’re well matched with your husband.” (1)
I open my mouth to correct her, but nothing comes out.
Nolan beams, giving her full smile, while Nova waves at her in that happy, excited way she does.
Noah, on the other hand, goes absolutely still. It’s like his entire existence freezes and he is left frozen in time. Immediately I know this is bad, that he’s probably going to blow, but before I can correct the woman, she walks away.
He doesn’t look at me, and I play dumb. I want to say something. Maybe apologize for that misunderstanding even though it was my fault, yet I can’t seem to get the words past my lips so the weight of that misunderstanding hangs between us all the way to the ice cream stand.
We sit on a low wall under a tree with our cones. The twins eat as if it’s a race. Vanilla for Nova. Chocolate for Nolan. I have a strawberry. Noah doesn’t get one, just coffee in a paper cup.
My phone buzzes in my pocket. I take it out and seeing Adrian’s name, I open the message.
[Just checking in. Hope so far, your day is going great.
I can’t stop the smile as I type a reply back. You see? This is what I mean. Adrian puts me at ease, while Noah has me tied up in knots.
I put my phone away and look up to find Noah staring at me.